"When women watch male porn stars humping away like lobotomized underwear models," Nicole says, "it's almost always with a cringing, confused expression.
"Getting pummeled with a giant penis is painful, not fun. The majority of women don't consider bouncing up and down on a Poland Spring bottle to constitute great sex."
Herbenick, a researcher at Indiana University, says penile worries arise from "cultural myths and stereotypes about penis size that stem from television, movies, jokes told among friends, and advertising messages from companies that present false information about penis size in order to sell products that probably donít even work."
Lou Paget, Ph.D., author of The Great Lover Playbook, said point of view matters--literally.
"The majority of men compare themselves to something they see in adult material. They havenít seen another man's penis up close," she says. "But women see them all the time. And we see a whole range of sizes.
"Men only see themselves, and look at a different angle than women -- looking down."
In other words: Your penis looks bigger to women than it does to you.
And donít forget that thereís a lot more to sexual and relationship satisfaction than penis size and positions. Like communication, Herbenick says: "Trust and believe your partner if she says, 'Honey, youíre fine' or 'I like you just how you are' rather than second-guess yourself."
The irony is that men spend so much time thinking about their anatomy when they should be thinking about hers. "It's a man's knowledge of female anatomy and ability to stimulate a woman in all the right ways that determines whether or not weíre happy in bed," Nicole says.
And donít forget foreplay. "Twenty minutes of erotic foreplay with a guy who has a penis the size of a Sharpie will be far hotter than 2 minutes of sloppy groping from a dude with a johnson the size of a flashlight," Beland says.
And finally, guess what really matters? Donít groan -- it's personality.
"Of course itís more important than any physical aspect of a manís body," Nicole says. "Any woman who thinks otherwise isn't worth dating."